As a rule, women have way better game than guys. They do things naturally that most guys would never even think to do. One of the best assets on a girl is the Power Move Breakup.

Women absolutely love to try to take your power as a man in a relationship. That’s why they constantly test you. The problem, of course, is that as much as they try to take your power, they don’t want you to ever give it to them. When you do, they quickly lose interest. One of the best tools that women use to try to take your power is the Power Move Breakup.

Women love the PMB (TM). It’s a great way for them to remind themselves that they are in control of the relationship and as much as you pretend to be the man, you’re really just a pawn in their game of chess. This weekend, I pulled a reversal on Rian and broke up with her. Now, what makes this a PMB versus just a straight up dumping is that I fully expect to get back together with her. I just need her to prove to me that she wants it. She has until I fall in love again to do so.

I know our relationship seems complicated and dysfunctional, but that is only because there’s an important part of the story which I don’t share on this blog because it’s too personal for even anonymous readers to see. Suffice it to say that there is one thing that is really pissing me off about our relationship and I need it to change in order for us to get back together. I do truly love her, so this has definitely been painful for me, but I’ve initiated my get over her process (which I’ll write a post about soon) so that it doesn’t hurt as badly. An important step in this process of course, is being single and on the make again. To do that I’ve hit up the girls who I had previously cut off when I went exclusive with Rian, some of whom were no goes, but a couple of whom were still possibilities. I’ve also jumped back onto Match and begun running game. I’m not going to do very much documenting of my escapades, but if something interesting and insightful comes up, I’ll be sure to share it.

People love to knock online dating. The Dateable Dork (before her blog came down) likened it to dumpster diving. In conversations on the TSB Man Transformation Weekend, Lance (of Honey and Lance) and Mike Stout (of TSB magazine) agreed that the caliber of women that one will find online are sub-par. Lance even went as far as to say that the sex is substantially better off of cold approaches.

I couldn’t disagree more with this assessment of online dating. Granted, it’s my specialty, so I’m a little biased. And while I consider myself an online dating expert, I’m relatively average at night time co approach (although I’m pretty good at day game, mostly because I turn it into text game which is what makes online dating my specialty to begin with). Still, I think that despite my bias, I can still make a great case for why online dating is a great way to meet people regardless of what you’re looking for.

Those of you who have seen the relatively extensive list of traits that I look for in a mate know that I am veriy picky. So how am I going to find a smart, funny, gorgeous, bubbly woman with a positive attitude and high ambitions online? I mean, everyone knows that the only people who go online are overweight ditzes who used to be hot and never got a chance to develop their social skills, right? Wrong! In my experience, online dating is a cross-section of the world.

Look, there are definitely going to be some of those women who you look at when you meet them and you say to yourself, “Oh, so that’s why you’re on match.” But there are also a seemingly infinite number of beautiful, brilliant women who for varying reasons ended up on a dating website like Match.com, particularly in a big city like New York. Granted, these women get inundated with emails, so getting their attention can be tricky, but if you can make that work, you can definitely meet your dream girl. Hell, you can meet 10 of her.

I think that part of the negativity that Lance and Mike have toward women they meet online has to do with the generic nature of all of nearly all female profiles which result in the boys coming into the interactions with judgements as a result. Sure, a profile telling me that she “love[s] to laugh” annoys the hell out of me as much as anyone, but there’s really no use in wasting mental energy over it, because when it comes down to it, women don’t need much written in their profile to get attention. That’s the main reason that I don’t really read a woman’s profile thoroughly, but rather just scan it for key traits that I want to include in my email to her like spontaneous, intellectual, intelligent, smart, ambitious, adventurous, loves new experiences to name a few. No matter how good you are at online game, you’re probably not going to get much more than a 20% response rate (which adds up really quickly btw), so I focus on screening the personality of women afterward on instant messenger (saves me the time of meeting up with most of the lame ones, and gives me the opportunity to talk to 3+ at once while working my text game).

I’ll definitely talk more about online dating on this blog, particularly if I ever have to go back onto the market, but if anyone has any pressing questions for me, feel free to shoot me an email at hammer86blog@gmail.com.

Those of you who read my previous post on this situation may be curious as to how I resolved it. I don’t have all the answers, but here’s my best attempt at an explanation.

One thing that you have to understand is that the line between love and hate is very thin. When you feel emotions for someone, those emotions can very easily be converted back and forth. People think that love and hate are opposites, when in fact the opposite of both love and hate is indifference. My girlfriend kept telling me that she hated me during the situation, and while that’s obviously painful for me to hear, in the back of my mind it was always a sign that there’s still a chance.

One thing that never happened during her period of anger was she never ignored my calls and text messages. As angry as she was, she never decided, fuck him, I’m going to make him suffer. If that were to happen, as a guy you have to just give her space and take your mind off of it. When you do start talking to her again, you have to just make sure that you act as if this never happened, not necessarily ignoring the conversation, but at least with your voice tonality.

Anyway, since she continued to talk to me during the situation, it was easier to talk her through it. I think part of the moral of the story is that love conquers all, and even though she was angry at me and thought that I was up to shenanigans, she still had feelings and so it was never really dead. The only thing that I had to convince her of was that I really do love her and care about her, which plays directly into trusting me. The trick to this is to be honest (as usual). I made it clear that I was sorry that I made her feel like she can’t trust me by messaging other women when I thought it was over, but I do not believe that what I did was wrong although I wouldn’t do it again because my feelings for her are much stronger now than the were. I also made it clear that the thing about me talking to her friend is totally fabricated and while I would understand her being so upset if it were true, it clearly isn’t and so it’s really something that I can’t apologize for.

Clearly saying this once is not going to make it better, but by saying it multiple times in different ways with time helps. There were two other things I did in the meantime as well. First, I sprinkled in anecdotal stories tangentally related that were filled with emotion to rebuild/amplify that connection. Second, from time to time I had her articulate exactly what was bothering her to me, and then deal with the specific issues in a logical way as they come up. It is incredible how powerful it can be when you have someone vocalize their concerns, problems, to-do’s, etc. When these things are kept pent up in ones mind, they build on themselves and seem impossible to get past. When you get them out, they seem much more manageable.

Tonight’s post is about a subject near and dear to my heart. I am going to talk about how to steal a girl from another guy.

First the why: I hear pick-up artists all the time saying that it’s not worth bothering with a woman that has a boyfriend because there are so many quality women who don’t that it’s not worth your energy. But the thing is, every woman has someone. Most quality women are never totally single. As Lance pointed out in a recent post, even those who claim to be single have fuck buddies. But for the most part, when a woman starts getting dissatisfied in her relationship, she will start looking around for a new guy before she breaks up with her boyfriend.

A lot of the time she won’t actually sleep with the new guy until she breaks up with her boyfriend to avoid being labeled as a cheater or a slut, but that doesn’t mean her mind isn’t wandering. This is where you come in my friend. If a woman is exceptional, you should be that guy.

As a little background, the girl I am currently dating is someone who I first started talking to online when she was single. But shortly after starting to talk to me online, she started dating a new guy. On paper, this guy was amazing. He was eight years older than her (31 to her 23), but he was a pediatrician, ex-peace corps member, financially stable, handsome, etc. Yet she kept talking to me. When she came clean and told me that she was dating this guy, I proceeded to steal her. Here’s how:

Step 1: Mindset – I know that I am the man, and she would be lucky to have me. We have great chemistry, and she clearly agrees because she keeps talking to me despite dating a guy for a while. Also, the fact that she continues speaking to me indicates that despite the fact that he’s perfect on paper, she’s missing that raw animal attraction element because he’s the token “nice guy.” I will use this to my advantage later on.

Step 2: Attraction – One of the most important things that I just mentioned is that she is clearly attracted to me. Her attention is an indicator of interest. But how do you separate friend zone attention from attracted to you attention? All of our conversations had an undertone of sexual tension. Keep in mind that at this point, I hadn’t even met her, yet she still continues to keep me around. Anyway, the point is, no matter what you do, you are not stealing a girl from a quality man without attraction. I’m not going to really go through how to create attraction because there are hundreds of books on this, but suffice it to say that if there’s no attraction, nothing else matters.

Step 3: Avoid Friend Zone – One of my techniques that I use in my online game involves a first date where I beat her in Boggle. It’s a small game that’s very portable, each round is 3 minutes long so it’s quick, and it’s a DHV by showing off your intelligence. In the Tao of Steve, this is the “Do something excellently” step. It also gives a great opportunity to tease which is a fun way of amplifying attraction, as well as the opportunity to sexually escalate by touching, making dirty words, and betting (massages, articles of clothing, etc.) on the games. Anyway, back to my point. Since Boggle is something we had talked about, after telling me that she’s been seeing this guy, she said she still wants me to come over for Boggle. NO. I told her that she can date that guy all she wants, but I am not going to fall into friend zone with her. Use the phrase, “I can be a lot of things to you, but I will NEVER be just your friend.” Tell her that she can’t have her cake and eat it too. If she wants to date the safe guy, that’s fine, but she’s not going to get to enjoy my conversations as well.

Step 4: Walk Away – Now that you’ve put your foot down and made it clear that you’re not going to be her friend, the ball is in her court. If she contacts you again, it’s on!

Step 5: Date Other Women – You don’t want to come off as desperate. The best way to do this is to not be desperate. Date other women. Fuck other women. She’s fucking another man. Don’t feel bad about it.

Step 6: Be Honest – Let her know that you really like her and you think that you could have something with her, but you are not going to wait around for her relationship with this other guy to go sour. Be clear about the fact that you are dating other people, and that you have dated LOTS of people and know from experience that she is different. Make it clear that you are very picky, and it’s a very rare occurrence for a woman of her quality to come along, so she has until the next one does to change her mind (Disclaimer: Do not do this unless you are looking to get into a long term relationship with her. If this is just a conquest for you, don’t try and steal her from the other guy, it’s mean and dishonest. You can tell her that she shouldn’t be with that guy because she’s not attracted to him, but don’t present yourself as a viable option if you’re not).

Step 7: Positive Feedback Loop – This is one of the most incredible phenomena of dating. Mystery coined this and it’s fucking gold. What Mystery said is that if you do something to attract a woman, then after you’ve attracted her you tell her what you did and why she found it attractive, this will amplify attraction exponentially. Well as it turns out, this can prove very useful in stealing her as well. To initiate this feedback loop in your favor, you simply explain to her how you know that she likes you and the other guy isn’t right for her, and then tell her how you’re different. For example, I said something to the effect of “If you were really attracted to him, you wouldn’t be talking to a guy trying to steal you from him. I know he looks great on paper, but I can tell you don’t really like him. In fact, I know why you don’t like him. You don’t like him because he’s TOO NICE. He’s indecisive, he doesn’t call you out on your shit, he doesn’t tease you.” She responded to this by telling me about how true it is, and how they’d be at his house with nothing to do, and to break the silence, she’d suggest that they watch a movie, and then he’ll ask her what she wants to watch, she’ll ask what he wants to watch, and he’ll throw it back at her until she chooses.

Step 8: Make Your Move – Tell her to leave the guy. Tell her that you can’t guarantee that you’ll end up in a relationship with her, but she is clearly not happy in the relationship she’s in and thus should leave regardless of whether she wants to be with you or not. Pad this with the fact that while you don’t know for sure, you do think that there is a lot of potential between the two of you and you have a lot of experience with this so you feel pretty optimistic.

So that’s it. That is how you do it. If you get derailed at any point in this process, move on. Chances are she’ll re-initiate, and if she does, back up about half a step and give her a little refresher of the last successful step before moving on to the one that was problematic. If she doesn’t, NEXT. To round out my story, I ended up getting her to break up with the pediatrician via phone and text message without having ever met her. Do I worry about her getting stolen by another guy? No, not really, because I am maintaining attraction. I may lose her for other reasons, but I have promised myself that I will not lose her by developing nice guy syndrome. Also, when you’re dating an exceptionally beautiful woman, you will always have to deal with vultures. Just because she broke up with another guy to get with you doesn’t make her any more likely to leave you for a new guy than if you had met her when she was totally single.

I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and she is fucking pissed off! I am being accused of exchanging messages with a friend of hers on OKCupid as recently as September 24th. What? Bullshit! There were no such messages exchanged.

Back up a month and a half. I am in the Dominican Republic on the TSB Man Transformation Weekend. I have very scarce email access, but I do check it a couple of times over the course of the weekend. One of these times I have a notification from OKCupid in my inbox saying that I have a message. I log on just because I never ever get unsolicited messages from women, so I want to see what it’s about. I look at the message and her profile, and don’t respond.

Flash forward a few days. I’m talking to my girlfriend, and she mentions that a friend of hers messaged me the other day on OKCupid unknowingly. I say that’s funny, although the first thing that pops into my head is that she’s testing me to see if I’d cheat. But then I decided that even if that were true, it’s not the worst thing in the world for the girl to be a little scared of losing me early in a relationship.

Flash forward a few more days. Girlfriend gets pissed off at me for stuff, although she’s really projecting because she has a ton of shit going on in her life right now including a niece committing suicide and a broken ankle. Anyway, she says some harsh things to me including that she never wants to talk to me again and I take that as “Okay, well I still love this girl and want it to work out but the best way to do this is start sending out emails again to distract me and dial down the neediness factor, and it will also be useful as a jump off point in case it’s over for good.” So I log on, send some emails out, although I DO NOT respond to her friend, get some emails back, and work things out with her over the course of the weekend, cutting off communication with those women I emailed.

Tonight comes. She seems to be way too angry with me for something dumb, and it’s not her time of the month, so I’m thinking to myself somethings off and mention to her that she’s “projecting” her anger on me in some way and she’s not really angry about that thing. She then breaks down crying and tells me about how she knows about the emails I sent to her friend.

I tell her, no, I never emailed her friend, but I did send out these other emails when I thought we were done, etc. I believe in 100% honesty in my life with everyone, so it’s not that I was withholding the information, and I really didn’t think I was in the wrong, so I don’t feel bad about doing it. Anyway, we fight for an hour about me sending out these emails (reminds me of the whole Ross/Rachel “we were on a break” argument from Friends) and I come to realize that she’s really angry about me having emailed her friend (which I didn’t do). Her friend had forwarded her emails “from me” to her that were as recent as September 24th.

First of all, WTF! I never sent emails out to her friend, that’d be absolutely retarded to do knowing that she was the friend particularly when we’re happy and lovey dovey. Second of all, September 24th? I logged into my OKCupid account to check it out, and the last email that I sent out was on September 1. But she’s 100% convinced that I did, and now can’t trust me at all.

Alright so questions:

First of all, is the friend crazy and trying to set me up? That’s the only thing I can think of, unless someone’s been logging into my account to fuck with me or something, but I really don’t think that is the case. If it is, they deleted the emails that they sent out of my sent box, and if you’re trying to frame someone wouldn’t you want it to seem as much like I sent those emails as possible?

Second: How do I go about proving that I didn’t do it? I don’t have the emails yet so I don’t know if they are at all similar to my style, but lets just assume that it’s an old hookup or something so she kind of knows my style based on how I interacted with her. I love this girl, I really do. She’s my dream girl, and if she’s been presented with this information then she has every right to be pissed off at me, despite the fact that the information is bullshit. So if it’s in the style of my material, how do I prove my innocence?

She thinks that she’s caught me in a Shaggy “It Wasn’t Me” moment and can’t trust much of anything I’ve told her over the last few months. If I don’t prove my innocence then I’m pretty sure that she won’t get over this and I will be back on the market soon, which is going to be hard, but I know that the only way to get over someone is through the next person. My best theory to go on right now is that the friend is setting me up, but how do I prove that the friend is setting me up? She’s known the friend way longer than me.

Anyway, I’m giving myself until next Thursday 10/9 to get this resolved and if it isn’t I’m back in full tilt game mode which means day game approaches, night time online dating, and weekends hitting the bars. It just sucks because I feel like there really isn’t anything for me to learn from in this situation, it’s just a bullshit storm.

*********** It looks like things have been resolved!! ************