It started with a conversation with some chick who I’d met online but had no interest in ever meeting. I said something about how if a woman agrees to go out with me on a weekend night, I expect sex, and if she isn’t ready for sex, I expect her to be “busy” when I invite her out on a Saturday. At some point she admitted to me that she had banged a guy she’d met online after the 3rd date, but that she regretted it when he didn’t call her again. She said that she regretted “giving herself to him” when it didn’t work out.
Sex is an inherently selfish act. When you first state this to people, they consider it to be either totally obvious or totally nonsensical. Those who call it nonsense tend to say things like “sex is more fun when it’s unselfish” or “not if you do it right” or some other totally illogical insult. Let’s make something clear, when I describe sex as “selfish,” that is not to say that getting a nut is the only thing that matters. Pleasing a partner is part of the enjoyment of the experience, as is any number of other “compromises” that people try to use as loopholes in this discussion. When I have sex, I am being equally selfish when I finish in a girl’s ass as I am when I stimulate her deep spot until she’s in a multi-orgasmic state. It’s no wonder why Lance and I both value a woman’s multi-orgasmic ability as one of the most important characteristics of “good sex.”
Now that we’ve stiff armed the haters, let’s talk. Why is this idea of sex as a selfish act an epiphany? How does internalizing this singular concept mean everything?
The typical “AFC” mentality is that sex is selfish for men and unselfish for women. When a man has sex with a woman, he is taking sex from her and she is giving sex to him. In the same conversation with the above girl, she said, “the problem is that girls pretend to be prude but the reality is we are just as horny as guys but guys loose respect for girls after sex.” This is the typical mentality that we see in the dating world. This is not just semantics, this is what people actually go through life believing, in many cases from birth until death.
Imagine for a second that you let go of this belief, and imagine instead that sex is a mutually selfish act. Men love sex, women love sex, and when they have sex together, they are doing it because they both want to. They’re both horny. Does this sound like anything we’ve ever seen in the PUA community before? Does it maybe sound like the “sexual frames?” I was taught that the 5 most important sexual frames are non-judgmental, good at keeping secrets, independent, responsible, and sexually aggressive. I believe that all of these frames are derivatives of this idea of “sex as a selfish act,” which would make selfish sex THE frame. The only one that matters. I am willing to bet that if you come in with this frame and get her to accept it, everything else is just logistics.
So how do you use this do your advantage in game? If you really wanted to, you could probably just use it as an opener into a compliance loop Steve style. In a night time scenario, this would be a quick way to screen for same night lay potential, as any woman who refuses to accept the premise even if you lay it out completely is probably not going to be down with the SNL.
I prefer to use this to get deep a couple drinks into a date. “I find femininity attractive, I find a woman who embraces her sexuality attractive. I find it unattractive when a woman considers sex to be her primary/only bargaining chip in the dating marketplace. This idea that sex is a selfless gift from a woman to a man needs to go. Sex is mutually selfish in the most beautiful way possible. It is mutually selfish in the way that a relationship between an employer and employee is selfish. It is mutually selfish in the way that the relationship between a mother and a child is mutually selfish.”