Tuesday night I went out with a couple buddies to kick some game. There are a couple of places in NYC that have a good scene on Tuesday nights due to open bars from 11-12, so I usually go out despite having to work the next day, although I often don’t stay out past 1 or 1:30 unless it’s ON with a girl. This kind of sucks because a lot of the hotties are not even arriving until 1 or later and even if they’re there and it’s on they probably won’t leave you this early in the night.

Things were going well; I had been doing my typical thing where I had a few girls attracted that I could re-open at any time, although none that were getting my sperm jumping and none interested enough to pull. Out of no where, I get a text booty call from a number I don’t know. Now getting booty called isn’t new to me, but this was the first time that I’ve ever been booty called by a number that was not in my phone, I mean, typically when a girl gets deleted from my phone it’s because the number’s pretty dead. I start wondering who it is, asking girls I’m talking to about it, etc. Anyway, here’s the text convo:

MysteryGirl: Hey you

Hammer: Hey, what’s up?

MysteryGirl: I’m in the city for the week.

Hammer: Where are you right now?

MysteryGirl: Tenjune

Hammer: You know what’s weird? I totally don’t remember where we first met (trying to get some clue as to who this girl is)

MysteryGirl: Me either (swoot, that’s really all she could give me?)

Hammer: Okay im not gonna lie, I don’t know who you are. Who are you?

MysteryGirl: Firstname Middlename Lastname of new york (from now on FlakeyIsraeli)

Hammer: Oh gotchya, How was the holy land? (I am facebook friends with her and so I knew she was living in Israel)

FlakeyIsraeli: Still fab, in ny for the week (she’s repeating herself, first sign of her maybe being too drunk)

Hammer: Where are you staying?

FI: W p3ents not gonna lie (weird misspellings, second sign)

H: K well let’s meet and go back to my place. Now.

FI: Where r u

H: I’m at Happy Ending. Lower east

H: Your turn to pay for the cab btw

FI: Ooooooooo

H: I’m walking west and up. Grab a cab and come pick me up

FI: Come grab a cab anc cmr piv mr up (really bad spelling, alright this is probably not happening)

H: I’m walking west on houston. Meet me and we’ll grab a cab

H: I’m at houston and 7th ave. Where are you?

H: Alright well im gonna hop on the subway and head home. You can meet me there if you want. X St and X Ave. Otherwise we can hang tomorrow

Alright so a little back story. I met this girl in December on a Friday in one of my bars where I’m a regular. It’s a bar that has great logistics and is pretty close (20 minute walk 5 minute cab) as well as cheap drinks, but is very hit or miss talentwise. Anyway, long story short, I open her at like 1:30, it’s on. We talk for a bit, I pull her to the couches in the back, she gives me sexual innuendo opening and I barge through it with cold reads about her being submissive and liking it rough. I tease a bit, then give her a little caveman stuff and start making out with her. I quickly escalate the makeout and go to my signature neck move and she starts to get turned on. I screen logistics, make out more. I tell her let’s go somewhere, she says she can’t leave her friends. I go back to signature neck move, she gets really turned on and says “alright, let’s go.”

I close out my tab, she talks to her friends, we grab a cab to her place down on Wall St. This was probably my first big mistake. I live nearby (but with my parents), she lives 6 miles away (but alone), so I figured let’s just do it and I’ll keep her buying temperature high in the cab by escalating. But the whole time, her friend is being really bitchy, mad that she left with me. Long story short, I pay for the cab, we get to her lobby, she’s sitting on the floor texting the friend, I tell her we should go upstairs because I have to use the bathroom. She doesn’t move. I wait like 5 minutes, but I really did have to use the bathroom, so I ran across the street and pissed in an alley.

When I got back, she was gone. The doorman said she went upstairs, but I don’t have her number or apartment number or even last name. I wait for a bit but then just bounce. She did have a weird first name though and I new her school so I facebook her, sending her a message saying that I’m going to have to punish her for ditching me like that, but also leaving her my number telling her to hit me up. I don’t expect much, after all, she did ditch me, but Saturday night when I’m out I get a text from her at like 10ish. I try to set something up, she sort of stops responding at some point, oh well. A couple of days later I try to schedule something with her, she flakes. Then a few days later, I text her and she doesn’t respond. I don’t care that much because this girl is a 7 (hot enough to fuck but not quite hot enough to be a girlfriend), so I pretty much give up and the next time I went through numbers in my phone I deleted hers. Cut to Tuesday over 4 months later, she texts me out of the blue at 1:30am.

So I texted her the next day when I got home from work:

H: Hey what are you up to tonight? Let’s hang

FI: Omg did I text you last night

H: Lol yea you totally booty called me.

FI: Ha! Apparently chamagne and xanax are an awful combo!

H: Yea that’s definitely a little dangerous. We were going to get together but at some point you stopped responding so i figured you were too drunk and just went home

FI: Interesting. Idk. Woke up at a friends from home, not even sure when or how I met up with him. So there’s that!

This is a typical shit test. She is testing me for neediness, talking about staying at a friend’s and making a point to mention he’s a guy. I’m trying to frame a casual sex encounter so she’s testing me to see if I’ll get jealous.

H: Lol well if you got to me i imagine you were probably booty calling your whole phone

I’m not sure how well I handled this, but the objective was to basically portray that I really don’t care if she fucked another guy instead of me by assuming that he was a booty call as well.

FI: Ha he’s just a friend I’m really close with his gf, guess I’m a bad booty caller. Winning blackout cocktail last night!!! Haha its my one week in town going nuts I guess

She qualifies herself to me by making sure that I know that nothing happened; green light.

H: Well we still have some unfinished business. I have plans for you woman

FI: Is that so…?

She’s giving me rope, waiting to see if I’ll reel her in with it or hang myself, but she’s not blowing me out, so that’s good.

H: Yes, it is. You’ve been quite the trouble maker. A very very bad girl.

FI: Impossible, I moved to the holy land! Saint not a sinner!

She bites, I’ve framed her as the girl who goes to church on Sunday after letting the football team run a train on her Saturday night.

H: You may play a saint over there, but i can tell that you’re just begging for someone to treat you like the little slut you really are

FI: That turned me on way more than you know…let’s hope your game is as good as you talk

By game she means sexual prowess, obviously. She’s basically agreed to have sex with me here.

H: Let’s hope you know how to turn that sass off or i may have to leave some marks

FI: Yum

Here she’s not playing ball anymore, so even though I wanted to get more vulgar, she’s done for now.

H: Come over later. Wear a skirt

FI: I’m in westchester, we’ll see

H: You can stay over as long as you dont mind me kicking you out tomorrow morning when i go to work. Just say you’re going out again

FI: Not a matter of the parents, more a matter of my willingness to be sociable + hangover

H: The dopamine released in your brain after you squirt should take care of teh hangover. Don’t worry about being social

This is where I start to fuck up. The sex talk is done, we’re talking logistics, yet in my mind I was still ready to pump her buying temperature.

FI: A little graphic for dinner time, no?

I misread this as a shit test and tried to hold my frame, but it was miscalibrated.

H: Not by my standards

FI: Classy

H: Lol yea I’m a class act

I texted her again later seeing if she was coming into the city and it didn’t happen. I invited her to a show I was going to be in Thursday and she told me that she’d try to make it. I didn’t really expect her to make it, and didn’t even want her to be there anyway because my mom, dad, and sister were going to be there. After the show she texted me an “Oops” for missing the show, I told her to make it up to me later. A couple of hours later I text her to try to get together:

H: What are ou up to?

FI: Just got back into rye, so tired.

H: You’re not very good at this whole let’s get together thing, huh

FI: Are you telling me I’m playing hard to get?

FI: I’m just being a little coy, it’s endearing

H: You realize that if im as good as you know ill be, you still have to go back to israel on monday…

FI: You’re setting the bar pretty high for yourself

H: Just saying, yo might want to take advantage of the time you have here.

H: Also, the bar is usually pretty low to begin with.

FI: I don’t know what that means

H: It means that i will ruin you for all other men.

FI: What are you going to do to me

H: Im going to do things to you that you’ve never heard of, and probably will be begging me not to do, but are going to love

FI: Yum

H: Come back to the city

FI: I’m too tired and so hiiiiiiii

H: You know, if you have skills i might even be inclined to bring another girl into the mix

FI: It doesn’t matter if you have skills or not, I’m still going to bring another guy into the mix

H: It’s too bad submissive sluts dont set the rules

FI: Tell me what you’re going to do to me, turn me on.

H: Take a picture of yourself. You know what i want to see

FI: That’s the one thing I don’t do.

H: Lame. K well im out so im going to be social. Xome into the city tomorrow.

Two hours later, she texts me when I’m out:

FI: Ridiculously horny

H: Come into the city then

So I went out about my business. She never got back to me, whatever. Friday night around 8:30 I text her:

H: What are you up to tonight

FI: Idk yet you

H: Figuring that out right now. I definitely want to see you later though

FI: Well idk what’s going on lots of friends are in finals, we’ll see what I end up doing. May just veg

H: Veg here

H: You realize that you’re the one who texted me at 12:30 last night saying you were ridiculously horny right? You’re all talk woman

FI: Ha. I’m just staying w my parents for a week. U try it.

H: I dont see what that has to do with anything

FI: It makes me lazy!

H: Well you’re not going to have to much work. You wont even be able to move because your limbs will be tied

FI: Oh really

H: You know, say the word and ill stop bothering you

FI: I’m intrigued

H: So do something about it

FI: Ill be over around 11

And scene…

I am sure that a lot of you who have stuck with my blog despite the lack of updates lately are wondering why I keep letting Rian back into my life, so I figured I’d write a quick post explaining what the deal is.

I think that the first and probably most important point is the simple fact that we are still in love with each other. We have had a lot of problems, but the root causes of the problems have been mostly coincidental freak things rather than specific incompatibilities. As things settle down, we both want to be together. We have a very high passion connection that is rare and never easy. We’re very similar in a lot of ways but also different in others, but one thing that we have in common is that we’re both very stubborn.

Another thing that makes it difficult to move past her is that she is the smartest (perfect GPA through college and Columbia grad school so far) and most fun, but also the most beautiful (5’8” 120lbs platinum blond with natural D cups, perfect sized nipples and labia) woman I have met MET, let alone dated. She has a great family and great nurturing instincts, and comes from money (not that it really matters, but it certainly doesn’t hurt). She is also the best in bed that I’ve ever had by far, and I’ve had some interesting experiences.

It’s hard to walk away from that, and while I keep trying, she keeps taking the initiative at the last second and reeling me back in. That said, I’ve been willing to walk away for months now and I’ve already put into motion a plan for moving on in the event that doesn’t work out. Her agreeing to the open relationship is an indication that I am in the driver’s seat this time around, which is the way it should be. The next couple months will be interesting.

The Dateable Dork hasn’t gotten laid in around 6 months or so, which is kind of hard to believe considering that she seems pretty cute and has a fun little attitude that I think would appeal to most guys. I have offered countless times to help her out with that dry spell, but she seems to have something against meeting people through the blog.

Anyway, for the sake of going into her next dates with a clear (non-desperate for cock) head, I would like to PUBLICLY volunteer my services. What do you guys think?

[polldaddy poll=1382856]

TSB Magazine put forward an Adult Friend Finder challenge where they are basically reimbursing you for subscribing to adult friend finder for two months and writing a review for their site. They originally issued it a while ago, but I was in and out of a relationship at the time so I didn’t take them up on it.

Things are a little different now. Things with Rian are over, at least for a while. I have started playing the field on match again and currently have four women in the pipeline who could potentially be long term material, along with a handful of others who are definitely fuck-buddy material. Still, I’m going to take TSB Mag up on their challenge. If I do end up getting into a relationship in the meantime I’ll just eat the cost, but I think that even if I do end up liking these girls I can put off monogamy for the time being anyway.

I don’t know how successful this will be to be honest; I’ve tried Sex Search before with zero success. Then again, when I did that it was before I had any idea what I was doing with game let alone online game. I had pictures of my junk in my profile and basically all I talked about in the “About Me” section was what I liked sexually. This time I know that what I do online works. I know that on match when I email 20 women I will hear back from 5 of them and get numbers from 4. I also imagine that guys on AFF are probably worse at online dating than they are on match (if they’re anything like I was), so maybe I’ll have better results. Then again, maybe I’ll come to the conclusion that the only attractive women in my demographic on the site are cam girls, or maybe that my game doesn’t transfer well. Either way, the experience will be fun.

I don’t do much documentation of my online dating life on this blog as I don’t find it particularly interesting as it’s rather formulaic, but I will be documenting my AFF experience, at least at the beginning. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a good experience with it and make it a part of my routine.

Over the last week, I have had a couple of instances of people making comments about sex on the first date and I want to weigh in on my perspective. The discussion first started in the comments here on Seth’s blog and crossed over into the twittersphere (tm?). But when I saw this video on Ask Dan and Jennifer I had to step in and write formal post.

I can’t believe how many people actually think that having sex on the first date is going to prevent you from building something long term with someone. It is absolutely ridiculous. Yea sure there are times when you have sex with a guy on the first date and he doesn’t call you again, but that just means that there was not any long term potential to begin with. To say that you are ruining your chances at something long term with someone because you have sex with them on the first date is absolutely ridiculous. In fact it makes it sound like you’re trying to trap or trick the guy into a long term relationship by manipulating his interest in you.

Tangent: I find it absolutely hilarious that women criticize men for reading books on how to attract women when a book like “The Rules,” which is essentially about how to trap a guy into marrying you, has sold millions of copies. BTW, trapping someone into marrying you is much worse than making someone comfortable with deciding to go against all their social programing and have sex with someone who they already want to have sex with.

Here’s why the goal of all of my first dates is to have sex that night:

It’s fun. Why deny yourself of something that you want to do and will thoroughly enjoy? I like independent women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it.

It gets it out of the way. If a guy is on a date with you, it is probably because he wants to have sex with you, and it’s probably what is overwhelming 90% of his thoughts. You’re not going to see the true him, and he’s not going to truly know how much he likes you until he’s had sex with you and still wants to talk to you.

I have sexual dealbreakers. This is probably the most important one. because there are a bunch of things that I absolutely require from a sexual partner and will not get into along term relationship with someone who doesn’t meet these criteria. I have met too many men who are unhappy with their sex lives to settle for less than 100% of what I’m into. However, if you have developed an emotional connection with and feelings for someone, it will hurt both of you much more to break it off than it would if you knew these things earlier on in the relationship. Sexual deal breakers include:

• Small inner labia (a.k.a. peach lips)
• Smooth shaven
• Makes a lot of noise
• Likes to dirty talk
• Anal
• Multiple Orgasms
• Deep throating
• Likes being tied up
• Likes being choked
• Hair Pulling
• Spanking
• Cleanliness down there
• Public places

I like independent thinkers. I mentioned this before, but I think it deserves its own bullet point. If she is effected by what other people think of her to the point that she would deny herself of having sex with you despite being so turned on that she masturbates thinking about you when she gets home (I had a girl tell me that she did this once and since then I’ve started asking about it after sex, and was very surprised to find out how often it happens), I don’t think we would work well long term. I like sassy, witty, independent, adventurous women who go for what they want and aren’t afraid to say yes to things despite what other people would think.

I’d like to speak to a point that Dan and Jennifer made in their video where they said that if a girl puts out on the first date the man will assume that she does this for all girls. This may be true for some men, I mean, if you go out on a dinner date and just talk only to be invited up by her afterward, I could see you being a little suspicious. But as someone who is particularly good at eliciting attraction and desire for sex, I know exactly what I am doing with her to make her want it, and would never assume that most other guys are doing the same. Even if this were true though, I am much more turned off by a woman denying herself something that she wants than being sexually experienced.

Listen, I agree with the point that sex is better in a loving relationship with an emotional connection. I’m in a loving monogamous (with the exception of an occasional threesome) relationship with an emotional connection. She is absolutely incredible (genius level intelligence, incredibly fun and playful, great maternal instincts, comes from a loving family, highly independent and ambitious, oh and don’t forget drop dead gorgeous). But just because sex is BETTER that way, doesn’t mean that it isn’t still GREAT without that emotional connection, and in lieu of a connection I think that it bridges the gap nicely.

Tangent: Great article from the New York Times Magazine about Teasing that everyone should check out. Thanks to Tenmagnet for linking to it.

Amazing post by El Topo that I just came across (sorry but I’m behind on my rss reading for now) on setting the tone for seduction and building rapport while creating seduction frames. Check it out here.

El Topo is a guy who has gotten a lot of flack in the community. The Mystery Method/Love Systems filed a law suit against him for some stuff I know nothing about so I’ll abstain from judging either way, but the fact remains that this guy is good.

He comes from the Captain Jack/Sinn school of thought which focuses on SNL frames, so anyone interested in becoming amazing at that (ME!) should check his blog out. He also offers a product called the Red Stack, which is a customized (meaning about you a.k.a. not lying) routine stack that has frames built into it. I wouldn’t recommend this if you’re a total newbie with ridiculous approach anxiety, but for someone looking to take his game to the next level who has $750 to burn, this is probably a great investment.

Check him out in field as well here:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxsEBo9PxI8]

This post is for all the women who still find the male mind to be a mystery. I hope that I’m doing a public service to all of you by posting this.

Men are soooo simple. We’re like Pavlov’s dog. 90% of us are undersexed (also little known fact, 84% of quoted statistics are made up on the spot). If you’re with a guy who is in that 90%, he is doing his best to not blow it with you and essentially be cool enough to have the privilege of sleeping with you.

So when he doesn’t make a move, it is because he is afraid that you will reject him, further damaging his already damaged ego. It is not that he still isn’t sure about you or anything like that. He would sleep with you within 5 minutes of meeting you if he likes your body (or if he’s just desperate enough to not be choosy). The irony of this, of course, is that by the time he works up the courage to make a move, the moment has already passed and crazy things like “this is the type of guy who I can’t just fuck and kick out” start going through the woman’s head, causing her to reject him, further damaging his ego and making him less likely to make a move next time . Listen ladies, a man who is afraid to make a move will be the same man who will be absolutely thrilled to have sex with you, regardless of the circumstances. He may be weirded out by the fact that you kick him out, but I assure you that he’ll quickly get past it.

You’ll hear men calling women “fuckable” all the time. I’ve definitely been guilty of making the “I would fuck her, but only if she threw herself at me, she’s not worth my energy” statement. Fuckable is a very low standard. In fact, I have an even lower standard for getting blowjobs. I’ll have my friend say something like “I mean, she’s kind of big, but I’m not going to kick her out of bed” about women who I would kick out of bed, to which I reply, “I mean, if she offered me a headpiece I’m not going to say no, but I would never touch her.” This is how men think.

So how do you distinguish between the guys who get ass and the guys who don’t? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. If he’s turning you on, making all the right moves, and things just seem to be flowing really smoothly, you’re probably not the only one he’s done this with (also means he’s probably going to be better in bed). If it seems like he’s really choppy and afraid to make the moves, afraid to pick the location, afraid to kiss you, afraid to call you out on your shit, you probably have a guy in that 90% category who doesn’t get ass on a regular basis and is merely trying to just not screw it up. This is particularly true for guys online. Many guys go online because they find it to be retardedly easy, many more go online because they find dating elsewhere to be incredibly hard (and as a result, find online dating equally if not more difficult). It’s the 80/20 rule of online dating, 20 percent of the guys get 80% of the responses.

So the bottom line is this. If he’s a 90 percenter, stop wondering if he likes you, he’s going to stick around with you as long as he’s getting ass. He’ll never be able to truly love you because he’ll always in the back of his mind wonder what he’s missing. That said, he’ll do anything to keep you because he’s afraid of being single. So I guess you have to ask yourself, is this the type of relationship you want to be in?