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LR: Bathroom at the Swallowschween Party

Sunday, November 2nd, 2008

I know it probably seems like I have fallen off the face off the face of the earth. I assure you that isn’t the case. I have been very busy though. Living the single lifestyle with a full time job makes it more difficult to find time for a blog. Also, over the last two weeks I have bankrupted my gambling account (this season has been out of hand the last few weeks) and am not going to re-up until the playoffs as I have lost all of the money that I allocated to gambling for this season.

So it looks like things with Rian and I are over, we had a two week breakup process that didn’t end favorably, and while I am no where near over her, I am certainly enjoying being single again. When you’re in a relationship, there is definitely a lot of benefits, and there is nothing like sleeping with a girl who you have feelings for and care deeply about; having said that, the sense of accomplishment that you get from picking up a new girl and bedding her is something that I definitely missed.

Anyway, I have been back on match and taking full advantage, although I am not getting the same proportion of responses that I used to get with the same profile, pictures and emails that were working 4 months ago. I’ve begun tweaking my profile a bit and I just bought a new digital camera (the Sony t700, review coming in a week or two after I get a chance to use it) and a Gorillapod for taking some good solo pictures. Sometime this week I will spend some time taking new pictures which will hopefully get my quality back to where it was. Despite my poor response rate, I have still had my share of fun with match girls, and for whatever reason once they do respond I have been getting them on dates and in bed MUCH faster than I was before. I’m always working to improve my game, but for whatever reason since getting out of this last relationship my kino-escalation has been totally on point and I am consistently making out with girls within the first hour of meeting them for the first time and laying them within 3.

But the lay that I want to talk about is far more interesting than any of those. It took place at the Swallowschween Party hosted by Maxim Radio’s Covino and Rich.

If you’re looking to get laid at a Halloween party, costume choice is critical. Never dress in something too gruesome looking as it will totally turn women off. You want to dress as a character that women associate with being sexy, but you don’t want to be dressed like anyone else at the party. Also, no masks guys. Seriously. You have to take it off for any woman to even consider having sex with you anyway.

I chose to dress as alternative rock rockstar (think Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy). The beauty of this was that I didn’t have to change up my style too much. I already wear skinny jeans, as any guy looking to get laid consistantly with a tall and slender body should, and I just pulled out one of my buttondowns and a vest. To make it work, I did have to make some changes though. I put on guyliner and black nailpolish, and straight-ironed my hair. I did consider dying my hair black and putting on white makeup, but that would have been too much work. The negative: no one really knew what I was and pretty much thought that I wasn’t wearing a costume. The positive: when gave my 20 second explanation they got it and didn’t ask about it again.

I roll into the party at about 11:15. I thought I would be really early and it would be awkward for a while but it was already hopping. Perfect timing. I go over and say hi to Covino and Rich, who recognized me instantly, which surprised me a little since I hadn’t seen them in over a year and i was wearing guyliner and rocking a totally different hairdo than last time we met. I talk to them a little, Covino introduces me to his girlfriend Layla Kayleigh, I say hi to Spot the producer, shoot the shit with him for a bit. Then I start talking to Sami J, the former producer of the show, also formerly of G4TV. I talk to him for 5-10 minutes before deciding it’s time to start gaming.

I alternate between going direct and indirect, depending on what I’m feeling in the particular situation. I always find that direct is great for stopping someone, and indirect is better for a group that’s already situated, particularly as their converstaion dies for a second. Typically even after going direct I would still stack into an indirect opener for discussion.

Anyway, my direct opener is always “Excuse me *hand on shoulder to get eye contact/attention*, sorry to interrupt, but you are SO, FUCKING, cute/adorable. (thank you) I had to come over and talk to you. I’m Hammer. The indirect opener I was using for the night was related to a WSJ article I read on Friday. I would say, “Hey guys, do you think vampires are hot/sexy? (she answers) I ask because I was reading this article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday that was talking about how Vampires are the new masculine sex symbol. What do you think about that? (she answers, I make fun of her for her answer while kinoing, she laughs) The article talked about this new series on HBO called ‘True Blood,’ I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, and this romance novel series called Twillight.”

Anyway. that was basically the extent of the canned material that I was using, and if I ran out of something to say I would tell her that I have a dealbreaker question for her and ask her if she’s ready for it, then ask her who her favorite Sesame Street character was. That’s a whole routine that I made up for online dating and I should talk about it at some point because women find it very interesting and funny at the same time.

Anyway, I see a two set. I open them with Hot Vamp, start talking to them, ask how they know eachother, find out that they are best friends with Coley Biggins from the Sirius Hits One Morning Mashup. Within two minutes talking to me one of them references her boyfriend, the other doesn’t say anything, so I shift my focus and do a body-block isolation of the single one. I find out she’s a social worker, start talking about how my mom’s a social worker, and was then going to go into how this makes her a Lover personality type and I’m a warrior personality type so we might get along well (thanks Dr. Paul). I’m talking to her and kinoing side to side, when all of the sudden Coley comes in from behind and pulls the friend away. Lame.

I walk away and whisper to Sami J that she just cockblocked the shit out of me, and move on. I start talking to some of the dudes there about their costumes, then jump over and open a couple of girls sitting on a couch telling them they look bored. They have thick accents and are apparently models who were doing a fashion show before I got there. I’m getting shitty responses, I walk out.

I talk to Rich about how I think they should make the WSJ vampire article a show discussion topic since they talk about “True Blood” all the time on the show, when all of the sudden I get openned by a hot girl who I’ve never met, “Hi Geoff.” “Hi, how do you know me?” It turns out it’s their old intern, Sassy Cat, who I have talked to a lot on aim during their show and facebook independently of the show. I totally recognized her right away but pretended I didn’t until she introduced herself. She’s looking out of control hot and I decide that I want to get with her. Then her boyfriend comes in and she introduces him to me. I decide there’s no way that I’m going to hook up with her tonight but I will build attraction over the course of the night because this guy, while nice, is kind of lame and she’s definitely not that into him, and that I’m going to try to steal her over the course of the next couple of weeks.

Anyway, other stuff happens, I open more sets, get bored and move on, but always leaving the possibility to come back in. I decide to start a dancefloor in the back, and proceed to do so. Soon we’ve got a good 20-30 people dancing and I start trying to pull girls I previously talked to onto the dance floor, some successfully others not so much. Anyway, enough with the buildup, let’s get to the lay.

I see a girl standing by herself with a drink in hand who’s pretty hot. Definitely at least an 8 on anyone’s scale and she was my type with the blue eyes, brown hair, freckles, and a tight little body.

Hammer: Hey, you look bored.

HB: Yea I’m just waiting for my friend.

Hammer: You are so, fucking, cute.

HB: Oh thank you *smile*

Hammer: I’m Hammer.

HB: I’m HB.

Her friend comes in, She’s not nearly as hot, “Hey what’s up I’m Hammer. (she introduces herself) So it’s HB6 and HB8. Your friend is really cute.” I put my arms around both and pull them in close and run Hot Vamp. Talk, talk, HB8 starts telling me about how she used to go to ASU but partied to hard and got kicked out, I make fun of her. She thinks I’m on drugs and asks me what I’m on, then starts telling me about how she’s tried everything there is.

Doug from I Love Roadhead comes in. He is dressed as Captain Cockblock, and he gives HB6 a business card that says “You’ve Been Cockblocked.” HB6 keeps sticking it in my face and I keep ignoring it, HB8 keeps talking to me.

I run Sesame Street and start going deep into that routine. HB6 looks bored and is texting and I start to get worried about that situation, so take her number and then continue with Sesame Street discussions. Eventually I tell HB8 that she should get back to her friend and go back to the dance floor. Before I leave I go in for a kiss, she leans away. I just sit there and say come here, she comes and kisses me, I leave.

The night continues, I dance for a while, see a girl on the wall eyefucking me and decide to go talk to her even though she’s not my type. She was thin and sort of attractive, but her face great and I’m not into the dark-skinned Colombian girls. I was talking to her for a while and definitely could have started making out with her, but this other dude came in who had no game and I could tell he’d been working this girl all night and figured I’d throw him a bone since he wanted it more than me. I excuse myself and tell her I’m going to start dancing again.

A two set walks up, blonde and brunette. The blond could lose a few, I’ll give her a 6, and the brunette was really not and wearing lingerie with an open bathrobe. I stop the hottie brunette and open her direct. Then I bring in the blonde and tell her that I like her friend and think she’s really hot and want to go home with her. I talk to them for a while, then eject to dance, fully planning to pull the hot brunette over to dance with me. All of the sudden, HB8 from before comes back by herself and I pull her in to dance. We start grinding hard. It’s definitely on.

After a song of grinding with her back to me, I decide that I want to start really physically escalating with her so I grab her hand and spin her 540 degrees and pull her in. She tells me that got her dizzy, so I sit her down. We talk for a while, and then I start making out with her. We’re making out for 20 minutes or so, I pull her up onto my lap and start sucking her neck and kissing down her chest, rubbing my leg against her pussy through her jeans. I had already been worrying about logistics so I asked her if she lives at home or by herself (at home), so I realize I have to be bold if I’m going to fuck her tonight.

Hammer: We need to go somewhere private.

HB8: What’d you have in mind?

Hammer: Let’s go to the bathroom.

HB8: Lead the way.

So we go upstairs to the bathroom, lock the door behind us, start making out. This is where I should have started saying things like “We shouldn’t be doing this, I barely know you” stealing her frame and preventing LMR. Instead I start going for the belt, and start to  get LMR. “I don’t know if I want to do this, I barely know you.”

Ladies, you have to explain this shit to me. Seriously. What do you expect to happen when I take you into the bathroom after making out with you for a half hour? Anyway, I leave it alone and start making out again. I’m kissing the neck, and making my way down her chest. I pull her right tit out of her top and start sucking on her nipples. She’s breathing really hard and I can tell is really turned on. Then I remember something that I heard in an Eric Disco interview with Glenn from Brad P’s company.

Hammer: Stick your hand down your pants and play with your pussy. *she does*

Hammer: Oh my god I am so turned on right now, I want to taste you so badly. *I pull her hand out of her pants and lick her fingers. Bye bye LMR.*

I pull down her pants, and take a condom out of my pocket, she pulls down my pants. I bend her over and fuck her from behind. She cums really quickly. People are knocking on the door like crazy now, so I go into hurry-up. I finish inside her and tell her that we need to get out of there because of the line. 

She checks her phone and has a ton of missed calls and texts from her friend. She says that she has to go find HB6, so I kiss her goodbye and tell her I’ll call her in a few days. I run into Covino, he asks me what happened to the girl who was all over me. I tell him that I just fucked her in the bathroom.

Covino: That’s great, although to be honest, I’m totally not surprised.

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Blogger Roundtable: Virginity

Sunday, September 28th, 2008

As part of the second blogger roundtable discussion of Virginity, I figured I’d give my opinions on the subject. You won’t have to look very far back to find my post on why I refuse to date virgins, so I obviously am going to take a someone negative few of it, but hopefully you won’t think I’m too much of an asshole because of it.

One thing that nearly every “natural” (people who are just naturally good with women) that you will find is that they all lost their virginity early. Really early. As early as 10, 11, 12 in some cases. This is not an accident. Taking a page from the Tao of Steve, your first step to attracting women is getting rid fo your desire. By having sex at a young age, you grow up with an abundance mentality toward women, which is essential in being normal and fun around them. The longer you wait, the more your mind builds it up, what you might know as “putting the pussy on a pedestal” if you’ve seen The 40 Year Old Virgin. 

I was kind of a late bloomer so losing my virginity at the age of 12 was not an option. In fact, I remember dating a girl back in 7th grade for 9 months and being so afraid to even kiss her for more than a couple of seconds out of fear of things escalating to a point where she might realize that I was still pre-pubescent (and she was smoking hot, you know, one of thost girls who peaked at 13). Then again, I never claimed to be a natural. My current ability took years of studying and practice to develop.

So as you can imagine, I would say that virginity is not a big deal. Not at all. As a dad I will encourage my son to lose his virginity as soon as possible. I’ll also tell him to bite her ear to distract her from the pain as he enters her. It’s going to be really weird and probably not fun the first time you do it so the sooner you get the awkwardness out of the way the sooner you can get to the good stuff. As for my daughter, I’m not quite as sure, but I think that I will encourage her to be comfortable with her sexuality and smart about her decisions.

 

Other Posts from the Blogger Roundtable on Virginity:

Posted in Dating, Sex | 4 Comments »

What I Look for in a Long Term Mate

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

As promised, my post on what I look for in a long term mate. I am at a point in my life where I will not date someone long term who I couldn’t at least possibily see myself marrying a few years down the road and having children with. All of these characteristics are required for a woman who I will be in a long term relationship with, so the order really doesn’t matter, although I did try to list them in order of importance. Since some of them are related to the genetics of my children, not all of them are required traits of a woman who I will hook up with.

Some of you may say that I need to ease up, or that I’ll never find a woman like that, but I don’t care. There is no buckle on my hat. I am not a pilgrim. I will not settle. When someone asks me for one tip that they can implement immediately in improving his game, I tell him to raise his standards. This puts you in the (attractive) mindset of being the chooser and forces a woman to qualify herself to you if she is going to have a chance. If you want a woman with a great sense of humor, don’t deal with the woman who hates your jokes. If you want an athletic woman, don’t waste your time with couch potatoes.

Being more selective works. When I graduated in June I had the objective of finding myself a long term girlfriend as soon as possible. I went on dates with 50+ different women over the next two months and am now in a relationship with Rian who satisfies every single item below. Anyway, without further adieu, here is the list:

1. She needs to be thin:

One thing that I will never apologize for is what physical characteristics I am physically attracted to. I like a woman to be thin. She has to have a flat stomach and slender legs. Yea it’s shallow, and sure, some people have a harder time staying slim than others, but it should be kept in mind that our entire evolutionary history food was a scarce resource, and as a result people were thin. Thus I feel justified in being somewhat of a snob about weight.

2. She needs to be witty:

This has to do with her personality. i want her to be able to banter with the best of them. She should be sharp and quick on her feet. Conversation is so much more fun with people like this.

3. She needs to want me emotionally, and lust for me sexually:

I don’t mind fighting for a girl, but I do not want to have to pretend to be someone who I’m not. I want her to like me for me, and like everything about me. I want her to get turned on by the sight of me.

4. She needs to have a bubbly/up-beat personality:

I like high energy, perky girls who are flirty and smile a lot. What can I say? I just find that type of attitude to be magnetic.

5. She needs to have a positive outlook:

I don’t like complainers. I want a woman who can find fun in any situation, someone who when things go badly is able to laugh about them rather than get angry about things that are out of her realm of control. Someone who’s realistic, but generally positive.

6. She needs to have a high sex drive:

At this point in my life, I like to get off at least 10-15 times a week or more depending on how busy I am. I would like the majority of these times to involve my girlfriend in some way.

7. She needs to be able to cum quickly and multiple times:

This has been a recent addition that I have made to the list since dating this new girl. Sex is just way more fun when she can cum 7+ times in an hour.

8. She needs to be sexually adventurous:

I can be quite kinky, and I have tried a lot yet have so much more that I’d like to try. I want a woman who enjoys exploring my fantasies and has fantasies of her own that I can fulfill.

9. She needs to be ambitious:

I want someone who has purpose in her life, and a plan to get there. Someone who is independent and can fend for herself if necessary.

10. She needs to be intelligent:

This is mostly a genetic characteristic. If a woman is witty and ambitious but still dumb as bricks (bubbly model maybe?), she can still be fun to hang out with and date in a casual relationship, but I would never get into a long term relationship with her.

11. She needs to be spontaneous and adventurous (out of the bedroom):

There are a lot of things that I still want to do in my life. I want to go skydiving, kite-surfing, hang-gliding; I want to learn stunt driving, get a motorcycle license, and learn how to fly a plane. I want to live in another country for a few months/years. I want to take exotic adventure vacations. If I’m in a long term relationship with someone, I want our vacations together to be more than lying on the beach in Cabo.

12. She needs to care about the less fortunate:

She should have a sense of morality, and have good motherly instincts. On some level, she should be outraged about crimes against humanity/genocide. 

13. She needs to be at least 5’6″:

This is a genetic characteristic mainly, but it also has to do with how awkward pictures look when a 6’2″ guy is standing next to a 5’3″ girl. Having said that, I love hooking up with short little 90lbs women. I’m pretty skinny, so it’s fun to be able to physically manhandle a woman once in a while.

14. She needs to be competitive:

She should challenge my beliefs. She should strive to be able to beat me in Wii Tennis. A little friendly competition can make for a lot of fun.

15. She needs to be athletic:

I like a girl who is feminine, but she should also be able to get dirty once in a while and at least be able to go on a hike or a bike ride with me.

Posted in Dating, Sex | 4 Comments »

Why I Don't Date Virgins

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

There are a lot of guys who fantasize about deflowering virgins. They talk about how they want to be her first. About how tight it would be, etc. There’s a word for guys like this: Douchebag. Trying to talk a virgin into having sex with you is pretty much one of the scummiest things you can do. When I am talking to a woman who I am attracted to, and I hear that she is a virgin, I metaphorically run for the hills. Here’s why:

1. Why is she still a virgin?

For her to still be a virgin when I come along is weird. At the age of 22, it’s very possible for a man to just have zero game and never have gotten a chance to lose his virginity. For an attractive woman, however, that is not a realistic possibility. If she is a virgin, maybe she’s just waiting for “that special person.” Maybe she doesn’t plan on losing her virginity until marraige. Maybe she is really shy and freezes up when things escalate. Maybe she’s just afraid of intimacy. 

No matter what the reason, it cannot possibily be something that I find appealing in any way. I want a woman who’s sexually confident, not someone who’s going to want to keep the lights off. I want a woman who has some idea what she’s doing, I’m not interested in training her. I want someone who is sexually adventurous, not someone who will feel weird about dirty talk, swallowing, or public sex.

2. I want her to have been with other men. 

Not just for the experience factor which I’ve already mentioned. I don’t want our first time together to be such a big deal that I’m all of the sudden expected to get into a long term relationship with this girl just because we had sex once. 

On the flipside, I don’t want to be her first because if I do like her and want to have something long term with her, I don’t want her to feel like she hasn’t had enough experiences in her life and that she should go sleep with some more guys before settling down. Every girl at some point in their life fantasizes about being slutty (a fantasy that I have definitely benefitted from on multiple occasions). I want that out of her system.

I also want her to know what she’s giving up by being with me. I don’t want there to be doubt in her mind that I am the best there is. I want her to compare me to every other guy she’s ever been with, because I am confident that I can stack up against the best of them. Other than scumbag, when I hear that someone wants to deflower a virgin, the first thing I think is, “wow, this guys must know that he really sucks in bed because he clearly doesn’t want to be compared to other men.”

If you’re secure in your game and your ability, you should welcome the chance to leave such a strong impression on her that from then on you are the one that she is comparing everyone else to. You should leave her bedroom feeling sorry about the fact that you’ve permanently ruined sex for her because no one else will be able to stack up, and sorry for the other men who will try.

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Posted in Dating, Sex | 42 Comments »

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