Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

Updates and Hot Chick Game

Friday, May 21st, 2010

Wow, been a while huh? A lot of stuff has been going on. I’ve seen substantially improvement in my game, which happens to have coincided with a substantial decrease in motivation to game… funny how that works. For a couple weeks I was on a stripper game kick, but it’s a real pain in the ass to run stripper game unless sleeping until 2pm works with your schedule, as clubs in NYC close at 4, as you’re not really pulling a girl in the middle of her shift in most cases. The other recent development is that I’ve started dating one particular girl a little more seriously than most, and could see myself getting into a relationship with her in the near future. I came inside her last night after accidentally fucking straight through the condom, let’s hope she doesn’t get pregnant because that could really devolve into a hassle and a hoff.

A couple of quick notes on things that I have been doing that have been working for me of late, and then I want to go into what I’m terming ‘hot chick game.’ I’ve substantially lowered my energy level in set. On my 1on1 with Steve one of the first things he told me to do was lower my energy level because it was hurting my game. It took me a while, but at this point my default setting isn’t necessarily super high energy off of the opener, which is progress.

I’ve also started talking a lot about masculinity and femininity in set, and basically stealing a lot of the shit that Steve talks about with women, specifically how masculinity brings out femininity and vice versa, and how most people have a fucked up sense of gender identity and as a result struggle with attracting people into their life who they are compatible with. I guess you can call that the cliff notes version, but the takeaway message is always that I know how to act like a man and as a result women always act like women around me. Then I go into hot chick game which stems from the idea that because of the fact that I know how to act like a man, women act with me the way a beta acts with a hot chick.

Flashes of this have been in the community forever, since David D started spouting his cocky funny lines where you assume the girl is trying to pick you up. More recently, I read something about this type of game in “The Adventures of Brad P” where he talks about how he pretends that he is really good looking and everyone treats him as such. I love talking about how it’s hard for me to find a woman who is real with me because they always blindly agree with everything I say, so I appreciate the fact that she has an opinion. I like to talk about how I have to be really careful at the beginning of relationships because women tend to fall a lot harder for me than anyone should, and it always feels like it’s coming from a place of neediness rather than a place of true desire.

The key difference between this and the old David D stuff is that his stuff was supposed to be cocky funny, whereas this stuff is presented in a totally serious way as if this is my actual reality (it is), and these are actually things that I worry about when I’m dating (they are). I think what makes this so effective is the combination of being able to relate to her dating reality, preselection, and a general non-needy, non-clingy attitude about me that is conducive to casual sex. As with everything I do, there are also substantial elements of framing and embedded commands that are probably at play as well. I find Hot Chick Game to be particularly effective on women who have a tendency to date older men, especially so if you start talking about how older men tend to start out being masculine and non-needy but quickly deteriorate into a needy unattractive mess as a result of insecurities about dating younger women.

Happy to answer any questions you guys have about this stuff, as I’m not sure how clear or useful this post has been to this point.

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Relationship Management and Jealousy

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

One of the things that comes along with dating exceptionally attractive women is the fact that guys will be hitting on the girl you’re with constantly. I was listening to my favorite radio show, The Covino and Rich Show on Maxim Radio, Sirius 108 today and one of the topics of discussion was a “Friend In Need” email that they got regarding this very topic.

The guy has been dating a coworker for a while and when he started dating her she was a little chunky. Since he’s been dating her though, she’s lost 30lbs and is now a bombshell. Since she is newly hot, she is suddenly getting multiple times the amount of male attention that she is used to, and is eating it up. The guy worries that she is getting too flirty because she doesn’t realize that all of these guys have an agenda with her, or worse that she enjoys the attention and will leave him for the first male model who gives her the time of day.

The boys (Steve Covino and Rich Davis) are both very experienced in the area of dating hot women. They themselves are naturals (people who are naturally good at picking up women) whose resumes speak for themselves. Covino is currently dating Layla Kayleigh of America’s Best Dance Crew, Maxim Magazine, Attack of the Show, and World Poker Tour, and Rich Davis is dating Jenn Sterger, former playmate and FSU Cowgirl and currently a Gameday host for the Jets. They differed in opinion, with Covino saying that he needs to assert himself as a man and let the guys know that she’s his girl, while Rich said that he needs to just chill out and not get overly jealous because that will drive her away.

My opinion on the situation is very similar to Rich’s. Jealousy is such a turnoff to women. A little jealousy can be cute, but it is such a fine line to walk and it will ultimately get breached for the simple reason that as your woman gets a rise out of you she will continue to push that button and test you until you break.

Listen to me guys, it is in a hot woman’s nature that she will always be testing your worth as a man by putting you in these situations. Evolutionarily speaking, she needs to know that if your family is being hunted by a lion you will not crack under the pressure. Don’t resent her for this, it is something out of her control. You can talk a big game all you want, but she will continue to test you to make sure that you really are strong enough for her.

One of the paradoxes of dating that men have trouble understanding is that though women want you to be a powerful man who is in control, they will continuously try to strip you of your power/masculinity. The hotter the woman, the more experience she has with men of all types turning into wusses, and therefore the more she will test you. These tests come in the form of flipping out at you for no good reason, trying to make you jealous, bossing you around, etc. Do you think it’s a coincidence that women get the most emotional and testy right when they are most fertile? It’s not, they need to make sure that the father of their child is a strong man who will be able to take care of her offspring.

So what’s the solution? Simple, and I can’t emphasize this enough: BE NON-REACTIVE.

If a guy is being aggressive with your girl, the worst thing you can do is start a fight. This scares her and is a major turn-off. Instead, make her feel safe. Hold her close to your body, back turn the guy, body block him out of the conversation, ignore him completely.

If your girl is being flirty and trying to get a rise out of you, ignore it. Tool the guy by totally ignoring them. Alternatively, you can make him out to be the coolest guy in the world and talk about how cute they would be as a couple, but this is always tough to pull off. Her flirting with guys either means she is testing you to see if in fact she really has your balls in a vice grip, or she is actively searching for your replacement. If you think it’s the latter, you might need to make a power play of your own and go be a little flirty. 

The non-reactive technique is guaranteed to piss her off, 100%. So when she throws a fit about the fact that you let her flirt with other girls, how do you respond you may ask? Well if you guessed non-reactive, you would be correct. This attitude sub-communicates that you are used to your girlfriend getting a lot of attention, and that she can get as pissed off as she wants at you and you’re still not going anywhere. Here is a Tony Robbins clip that illustrates this principle perfectly. Interestingly, even though it has the short term of effect of angering her, it has the long term effect of building attraction and bringing her closer to you. As you refuse to acknowledge her tests, they will become less and less frequent.

Disclaimer: Know the difference between hot girl shit tests and crazy girl warning signs. You may have to run into a crazy girl to actually learn the difference (sharp objects are a telltale sign), but I have faith that you’ll make it out alive.

How Important is the Family?

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

This is as much a question as it is a post. 

Rian (from now on my girlfriend’s psudonym on this blog) to stop seeing me) is one of 10 siblings. Six of them are sets of twins, but that’s still a lot of kids. She is 10ish years younger than the next youngest (she is pretty sure she was an accident), and 20 or so years younger than the eldest. Both her mother and father have passed away, so her siblings are obviously very important to her.

I sort of got into a fight with my girlfriend’s sister today, and although I don’t really think I did anything wrong, she was definitely pissed off and said something to the effect of she’s going to strongly encourage Rian to stop seeing me. I haven’t met Lala (the sister’s pseudonym/nickname), in fact this argument occurred via text message (don’t ask). I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to smooth things out with her if and when I do meet her, or even just talk to her on the phone (write now she won’t answer my calls), but for the sake of this post, let’s assume that I won’t be able to. If this sister just hates me from now on, how big a deal is it for me?

Lala is the second eldest sibling, so Rian sort of looks at her like a motherly figure in her life. Is it going to be an uphill battle against constant pressure to break up with me? If Lala gets the other 8 siblings on her side, what then? Am I totally fucked?

My Views on Dating

Monday, September 15th, 2008

So one of the things that I expect to be talking a lot about over the course of time is dating and relationships. How to get a girlfriend, how to keep a girlfriend, what the relationship dynamics should be like, etc. Since this will be a recurring theme, I decided that I would get started with an introduction to my take on male-female dynamics and reference back to them as necessary.

By no means am I an expert, so obviously take everything I say with a grain of salt, but I do have a fair share of experience with the opposite sex, so I’ll do my best to relay my knowledge to others. I am currently in a brand new relationship after having serial dated for a while, the purpose of which I will get into in a bit.

The age old advice that you hear from people is that you should “just be yourself” when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. This is really quite true. The problem is that we tend to put on this overly nice facade that comes off as inauthentic and fake. It’s really easy to be nice to someone, and women see right through it.

When I am on a date with a woman, or talking to a woman who I find attractive, I don’t pull any punches. If they do something dumb, I make fun of it. Why? Because if she were a guy, I would make fun of it. That is part of my personality. That brings me to my first, and probably most important principle of dating:

The objective is not to get someone to LIKE you. The objective is to find someone who LIKES you.

There is no point in trying to impress a girl. I want to be myself when I am around her, if I can’t be myself, then I will never be happy in that relationship. I have a list of characteristics that I look for in a potential mate, and one of the most important ones is that she loves spending time with me and lusts for me sexually. If I meet a woman and this is not the case, then I have one of two options. I can either change into someone she likes, or find someone that likes me.

I believe in constantly trying to improve yourself by filling your life with activities you enjoy doing and taking on new experiences. As examples, I went white water rafting for the first time a few weeks ago, and loved it, and I plan on doing it again. I will be taking improv comedy classes this fall. I am going to be joining a gym (possibly a boxing gym) in the near future.

But there are certain things that I like about myself that I do not want to change. I am competitive about everything. I like intellectual discussions/debates about a number of things. I like to watch sports and action movies. I enjoy drinking alcohol from time to time. If these are things that a woman doesn’t like, it’s just not going to work between us. I would rather find someone else who it will work out with.

I mentioned before a certain set of characteristics that I look for in a woman. I have a list of characteristics that is relatively extensive that a woman must have for me to consider her as a potential long term girlfriend. In another post I might spend some time talking about some of these. How did I come up with these traits? It’s pretty simple really; I have dated a lot of women and decided what I liked and didn’t like about them. This brings me to my second principle of dating and relationships:

Date a lot of women to learn what you like. Once you have it narrowed down, make a list of what you want (the non-negotiables), and keep meeting new people until you find it. If someone does not meet your requirements, have the self-restraint to move on.

But what if the perfect girl doesn’t like me? Well as I said before, that is one of the most important characteristics that I look for in a woman. That’s not to say I will settle for a girl who likes me but doesn’t necessarily have the other traits. When I make that list, there are a number of them which are non-negotiables. This makes it easy for me to move on.

So how do I meet these women? Well, when I’m looking for a girlfriend, I take it upon myself to attempt to talk to every woman who I find attractive. I’m not going to get every woman’s number, I’m not even going to get into a conversation with everyone, but I am trying to build that romantic comedy fantasy for her that has been ingrained in her head by movies since she was five years old. How to do this is a subject for another post, but having the courage to make the move puts you ahead of a good 90+% of the guys out there.

I am also not above online dating. In fact, it’s rather a specialty of mine. My current girlfriend was met on OkCupid, and I’ve also dated a large number of women that I’ve met on Match. People always try to trash online dating, but the fact is that there is a huge variety of women online, it is essentially a cross-section of the world. Online dating, when done right, can be almost idiotically easy. The reason is that very few do it right, so when you do, you instantly stand out.

If you have ever seen an attractive woman’s inbox on Match, you will see that she has no shortage of guys competing for her attention. This automatically puts you, as a man, the disadvantage of having to chase. What you have to understand though, is that once you have the option of even 2 women, she is also in a competition as well. Don’t be shy about this fact. She will assume that your reality and her reality when it comes to dating are the same unless given a reason to believe otherwise. This brings me to my next principle:

Honesty is key. Don’t pull any punches.

This is related to my first principle about finding someone who likes you rather than trying to get someone to like you. If you are hiding information, or lying about something, you are by definition trying to get someone to like you. To rectify this, be honest. Brutally honest. If you’re dating other women, tell her when she asks. If you can’t get together with her on a Monday night because your team is playing, don’t be afraid to let her know that your commitment to your buddies is more important to you than a first date with a girl who you most likely aren’t going to like that much.

So those are some of my basic principles of dating. At some point in the near future, I will write about relationships, and why I feel that most people aren’t capable of being in a healthy relationship.

Hammer86

My first post: who am I and what am I writing about?

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Hello people reading this (no one yet). My name is Hammer. Well, that’s not really my name, but it’s always been a nickname so let’s just go with it. I am not quite sure what the direction of this weblog is going in, so there’s definitely a good chance that I am going to want to maintain my anonymity.

So a couple of things about me: I think I’m pretty cool. You’ll either love me, or hate me, or think I’m okay (that’s my homage to the late and great Mitch Hedberg). I’m a 22 year old graduate of an elite university, working in the technology sector. I am born and raised in New York city, and though I went away for college, I moved back home afterward and am currently living with my mom.

As I start to write on this blog, I’ll fill in more about me and my life, and you’ll hopefully get to know and love me, but for now I want to stay away from the boring stuff and finish up this introductory post by discussing what this blog will be about and why you should subscribe. Topics on this blog will include sports, tech, dating, sex, politics, movies, tv shows, and anything else that I feel the urge to write about. Rather than going into more detail describing what the blog is about, I think I’m just going to jump right into the content.

Hammer86